Le List

1. Mood: I'm a bit temperamental the last couple of hours. I'm trying to be positive and pull myself out of the pit of negative feelings though.

2. Do you ever fall asleep on public transportation? I try not to fall asleep when I am traveling alone. I get nervous that I'm going to miss my stop, or someone will steal my bag and or wallet. However, I almost always fall asleep on Joe's lap when we head back home from Manhattan. He's sweet through because he lets me pass out. Once it our train car was full (talking to the max) and he let me have his seat, AND stood next to me so I could lean my head on his stomach to sleep. It was nice to have him watching over me like that.

3. If you could wave a magic wand and instantly change one thing about your hair this morning, what would it be? I'd make it four inches longer and or have low lights so my roots wouldn't look quite so dark. Don't get me wrong, I've really enjoyed having my hair short for a little while, but I miss the length quite a bit.

4. Fragrance? Vaseline hahaha. I have it rubbed all over my eyes because they wouldn't stop tearing earlier when I put on moisturizer with SPF a little too close to the tear ducts.

5. One of your favorite childhood toys? Brownie, my teddy bear I've had since I was born. Also My Little Ponies.

6. Last thing that made you really, REALLY happy? Going to Port Jefferson with Joseph. We don't do little things like that often, and I really enjoyed it while it lasted. I also had a really fun time playing mini golf with him.

7. Do you wear a watch? Not anymore. My cell phone tells me the time.

8. I’m loving… that I'm the first person Joe wants to call after he talks to all of the celebuartists after the convention this weekend.

9. Outfit: Black tshirt, and undies.

10. Weekly goals: Write a little bit every day, even if it's bull shit. Eat a lot healthier as to extract all of the crap out of my system. Walk more and start exercising while I'm on vacation for 3 weeks. Get my TA certification requirements in order. Enjoy spending time at the beach. Spend some extra time with my sister. Focus on positive attributes of my life and push myself into a happier mood.

To lose yourself over a glass of wine

In the end, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you, or says about you, or perhaps even what they say to you. Criticism is and will always be available in it's purest form. It is up to you to let it become toxic, or to let it initiate self-development.

Self-worth isn't easily acquired, but it is possible to become the person you always wanted to be. Follow advice, read cliches and take positive feedback into consideration. Know when to throw some criticism out the window and always keep in mind who you wish you were. You will undoubtedly become that person if you are always changing yourself to reflect that image.

Refusal to stagnate is the only chance of survival in this life.

Home Alone

This is really just going to be a record of my ongoing train of thoughts at the moment. I'm more than a bit disappointed in myself for not writing, and I don't just mean in my blogs, but in general. I really haven't been making the effort to write every day in my journal(s), despite the fact that I feel a lot less stressed out when I purge myself of my feelings. I also feel like I'm regressing in my ability to write well when I stop writing all together. I miss stringing together words and sentences. When I was writing regularly, I felt I had more purpose, even if no one was reading what I had to say. It may very well be that I'm sending my words out into cyberspace and very few people may be concerned with them, but I really do need to make a greater effort for my own improvement in what I feel is my craft.

Writing is the only thing I have ever felt innately gifted in. I forget that sometimes.

One of the real reasons I cherish and admire Joe so much is for his drive and devotion in his ability to create art. He draws every day and I have yet to see him lose passion for what he does. In fact, in the time that I have known him, his passion for his craft has only grown. I wish I had more of this quality in myself. I can't envy it though because he works for everything he has accomplished. You shouldn't envy someone's successes when you haven't put in the same amount of work.

I plan on getting back on track with the things I am most passionate about, and hopefully this will be the year to do it. I look forward to the good changes that are heading my way.