Tuesday, December 1, 2009

dear person or persons i used to know

This is an open letter to several people that have come and gone in my life, rather than a specific individual.

Dear person or persons I once knew,

Or rather, person I thought I knew? Or perhaps I never knew you, and in actuality, this is who you are. I never thought I'd be genuinely repulsed and confused by you.

Well, actually, you always confused me. Of course, a growing fascination and admiration closely followed that confusion, yet the confusion was the foundation for it all. I made a lot of mistakes, and I still make a lot of them, but you were never very forgiving.

I realized tonight that I kind of hate you. Maybe that's what happens when someone you loved turns out to be someone different, or changes. Maybe I've never moved past the anger stage, although I think I have, since I have acquired a certain understanding from your perspective. It is not as if I had never been in your place. I've dumped people and they hated me for it. At least 1 out of the 2 has gotten over it, or at least that's how it appeared when I ran into him. But the other one may still hate me. And that's fine.

Breaking up with someone is a deplorable thing to do in any case, but the sin is easily forgiven when one realizes that the act of breaking up is done in graciousness rather than malice.

I don't know if you truly wanted me to be happy though. I don't think we'll ever be real friends. You don't ever care that much about your friendships, at least you don't care enough to maintain one long enough to stay close with the person in question.

It's okay I don't really want a half-assed friendship. I have 2 friends that I consider GOOD friends, and that's all I really need. They WANT to see me, and I WANT to see them. I think that's pretty much the definition of a good friend.

When it's your curiosity that solely leads you back to me, let me just tell you that I have absolutely no intention of entertaining your curiosity in any shape or form.

I'm an exceptionally successful, bright, and intuitive young woman and I really don't need anyone's negative perspectives weighing me down. I don't need or respect the drama that comes a long with your juvenile instincts.

I won't be held down.