Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Being The Good Girl

I know I'm a good girl. Actually scratch that. I'm THE Good Girl.

Up until about 5 or 6 months ago, I always put others before myself. I was constantly thinking of my ex-boyfriend's wants and needs without fulfilling my own. I was needy. I was over-emotional. I was a in rut, having graduated college and moving home for the first time in 2 years. I was totally had a "What Now?" mentality.

I was always over-analyzing the things I did for people, could of done for people and should have done for people. If I experienced the case of a person not liking me, for whatever reason, I would hurt myself over and over again questioning if it was something I had done and what I could do to make a better impression.

And now...I don't really care anymore.

I don't mean to say that I don't care about the people I love. I would take a bullet for some of my close friends. But I've evolved to the point where I realize that when it comes to other people's opinions, I have no say.

I've had so many experiences, with guys and otherwise, where someone will make a comment about how I think I'm too good for people. Usually because they find out that I don't really drink, go to clubs or bars, or party.

Example: There is a particular guy who will ask me periodically what I did during my one day off (Saturdays, for those of you that don't know me.)

Up until very recently (think, the last couple of weeks) it would usually go something like this.

Wake Up.
Go on Facebook.
Call one of my close friends.
Maybe go get lunch.
Maybe go to Borders.
Maybe go to a Coffee shop.
Write a little.
Take a bath.
Rent a movie.

For some reason, if my plans didn't involve "getting wasted," or "partying," this particular person would imply that I'm a boring prude.

The last time he asked this question, I actually told him the name of some bars I've been going to lately.
His response: "Oh so you finally have a life? That's good. You're only 22."

Honestly...I feel good that I've been going out more. I feel more social. I feel like I'm filling my time with something other than just hanging around, haunting the internet.

But I'm very careful about what I do during this time.

I like to go to Karaoke Night every Wednesday. Not because it's Ladies Night and there are free drinks (There are, and I actually don't normally take advantage of that.)
But because I adore singing. And I adore the people I go there with.

Usually, when I choose to go out to a bar or a club, it's not because I particularly like those places (I hate them.) It's because I really, really enjoy the company of the people I am going with and would rather spend my time with them in a place I hate, then not spend time with them.

In the past, I've had a hard time trying to prove that I'm a fun person, but now I just don't care anymore.

I have no inhibitions.

I do the most ridiculous things. From making stupid videos with my cousin, to interviewing my entire family with a My Little Pony, because I'm stuck in a car for 2 hours.

And I don't really care anymore what people think about me.

I think the good girl, can be the fun girl also. And the smart girl. And I don't need any of these classifications to define myself anyway.

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